Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
North Korea, Best Korea!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
