So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
