I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No subtext here. People are naked.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
