no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
