so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
