i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
