Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you didnt know i had herpes?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
