remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
