saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
her vagine was all disorganized.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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