...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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