my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
