You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish i was in the wii world.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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