I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
