Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
