take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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