erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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