I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
