eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
