Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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