I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
