when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
