why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
