hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
