you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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