Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize