You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
