don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
