i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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