I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
now i know why i became what i already was.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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