I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
