you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
