i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
