he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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