Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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