I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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