You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
