so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
don't judge my taste in strippers
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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