I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
