i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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