She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
