Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
