We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
