so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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