So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
