yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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