just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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