May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
