i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize