party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize