you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize