Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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