My Higher Power is John Stamos
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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