yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
