I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize