I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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