If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize