oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
