I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
