I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
