She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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