The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
