Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
