We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
