I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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